Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this beer tastes like vomit already
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
