She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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