there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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