so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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