Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
