my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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