Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
