if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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