One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
