So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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