Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
