I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
