It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
