no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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