Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
