She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
