she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
