Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
