she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
