have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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