sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
