If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
