we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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