I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
