Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
