dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
