Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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