it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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