this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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