Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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