and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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