So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
