i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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