peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
