So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
