i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
