do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
