I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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