He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
