I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize