My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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