I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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