Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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