I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
