I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
