Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
