i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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