i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
