she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
