I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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