I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I touched a dick in church today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
