Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
