so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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