Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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