grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
