You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
