I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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