Will you blow on my dice?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
