youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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