Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
