He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
