I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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