it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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