areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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