her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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