you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
