Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
