she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
