I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i came on her dog
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
