gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
