So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
