Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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