haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
