nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
