Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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