It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
