We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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