he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
