i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
