1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
