someone owes me an orgasm
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
