They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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